


The Roomba Crisis of 3A

by jinzou_enemy



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Mikejima Madara's Special Brand of Chaos(TM), Roombas, This is very much crack, if not for the laws of this land eichi wouldve called a SWAT team in! good thing keito was there, izumi probably ends up with a mild fear of roombas, kaoru wants his duck to be safe, shuu gets the Hell out of there immediately, theres a tag for roombas?????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-13 18:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18474547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinzou_enemy/pseuds/jinzou_enemy
Summary: One fine morning, Madara unleashes 24 roombas into the 3A classroom. His other classmates deal with the aftermath.





	The Roomba Crisis of 3A

If he’s being honest, Chiaki hears the chaos coming before he sees it.   
  
The classroom was still fairly quiet, Kunugi-sensei not yet having arrived, so it was easy to hear the disruption from outside.   
  
Mikejima-san’s muffled laughter was much too loud for so early in the morning, and it only became clearer once the classroom door was thrown open. Chiaki swore that he could hear the thrum of machinery get louder as well. It was probably a figment of his half-asleep mind, though.

Something nudges his foot. Chiaki blinks. He glances down.

He might have to rethink that assumption.

“That’s...an awful lot of roombas you have there, Mikejima.” And Chiaki can’t recall a time where he’s ever heard Sena’s voice quite so resigned, an expression much too wary etched onto the other boy’s face.   
  
Mikejima-san laughs, again. The sound of the roombas shuffling and whirring made it sound more ominous than it ever should, especially coming out of someone like the brunette.

“Yup! Twenty-four, to be precise!” Chiaki feels his eyes track the roombas surrounding them much more closely. _Twenty-four???????_ “Mama is just doing some Spring cleaning, y’knoooow? Hahaha ♪ It was feeling a bit dusty in here, anyway!”

He can hear Sena groan in exasperation.  
  
He says something under his breath, voice soft enough that Chiaki has to strain to hear the sentence of “This is almost like that time with Ousama but _worse,_ ” and Chiaki isn’t sure he wants to know the story behind that.

Itsuki, who had been sitting there stock-still from the moment he had spotted Mikejima-san and his small army of roombas, suddenly began to move again. It started with the crack in his neutral expression, showing a glimpse of agonised annoyance, and he slowly got out from behind his desk. 

He massaged his temple with one hand, using the other to gingerly pick up Mademoiselle, and then walked with fluid movements to the doorway.   
  
“I refuse to let Mademoiselle see whatever disaster is about to play out, so I will be taking my leave.” With that succinct wording, Itsuki exits the classroom, slamming the door shut behind him.   
  
The roombas continue to mill around. Chiaki sighs.

He stands up and walks over to where Mikejima-san has happily plopped himself on one of the desks near the front, feet raised from the floor.

Most likely as not to bump into any of the roombas, Chiaki assumes.

“Is that really the only reason doing this, Mikejima-san? You’re right when you say that the classroom is dusty! It’s just..a bit strange to see you here in class so early, even if it’s only to unleash your roombas,” Chiaki tilts his head around so that he can properly see the brunette’s face.   
  
Mikejima-san scratches at his face a little in embarrassment, his smile dimming a bit from its almost blinding brightness. “I was actually cleaning my room, sooo..I thought that there was no better place to store them temporarily than our classroom! Pluuus, then Mama’s children can clean up the place a bit; so it’s a win-win situation~”   
  
Letting out a laugh, Chiaki finds himself more confusedly amused at the entire situation than alarmed. His focus is quickly distracted though, as he notices a white blob drift past him.

Hakaze makes a strangled noise once he spots what was apparently a duck perched happily atop one of the roombas, and he stands up from his chair abruptly. “Wait wait wait- how did you- why did you- _is that Komaeduck???_ ”   
  
Chiaki barely catches a hysterical whisper of “What the _hell_ does Kaokun mean by _Komaeduck_ , what the _fuck-_ ” from Sena before the mutter is cut off with a yelp of, “WHY DOES ONE OF THESE HAVE A KNIFE STRAPPED TO IT-”   
  
Promptly jumping over the desk, Chiaki plops a foot on the head of said roomba, halting it in its tracks. He throws a supportive grin over to Sena. “Don’t worry, Sena! I’ll always be here to save you!”  
  
“From _twenty-four_ _roombas,_ Morisawa?”  
  
“...From the armed one, at least! Haha!”

“I guess that’s a bit more comforting than having to fend for myself,” Sena rolls his eyes, but the fond touch to the quirk of his lips reassures Chiaki that his efforts are appreciated. 

With a click, Chiaki quickly switches the power off to the armed roomba, and places it gently on the desk, so as to stop its reign of terror.   
  
From the corner of his eye, he can see Hakaze hesitantly approaching the roomba that has Komaeduck(??) on top of it. He inches towards it slowly, as if any sudden movements will cause the roomba to startle and skitter away.

He’s so focused on it, Chiaki notes, that he doesn’t even notice when Mikejima-san comes up behind him and slaps him on the back. 

Chiaki hadn’t realised that Hakaze could jump quite so high, but he _swore_ in that moment that he at least went a foot into the air.   
  
“Hahaha- with a jump like that, Kaoru-san, you should be joining Ra*bits!” Chiaki tucks that one away for himself to tell his cute juniors later, and the look that Hakaze gives him after groaning at the line tells him that the blonde is perfectly aware of this as well.

Tenshouin, who had been quiet up until that point, broke into the conversation. “So what’s this all about then, Mikejima-kun?” He says, still sitting in his seat. His chin is placed delicately on his folded hands, and the pose itself _would_ have struck a larger chord of concern in Chiaki, if not for the roombas skittering around the room.

“Hmmm? Like I said, Eichi-san! I’m helping to clean out the room ♪ Or could it be that your hearing is deteriorating as well?” The line doesn’t deter Tenshouin in the slightest, and he gets out of his seat with fluid movements. 

The other boys in the room pause in their actions, the chaos dipping under the tension that suddenly blankets the room.

Something, Chiaki finds, is disrupted in the following five seconds, when Tenshouin’s foot catches on the underside of a Roomba.

Tenshouin’s face impacts with the floor.

Sena whistles.

Hakaze winces. 

Mikejima-san just lets out a snort of amusement.

Chiaki finds himself hurrying over to Tenshouin’s side. He flipped the blonde over and propped him upright in his arms to check the damage.

Tenshouin seemed to be mostly OK, for the most part! If you ignored the blood pouring steadily from his nose, that is.

“It’s quite alright, Chiaki. I had already messaged Keito, so he should be here fairly quickly to take care of things.” Normally Chiaki would’ve taken Tenshouin’s word for it, but any reassurance the words might’ve held was ruined by the absolute mess the blonde’s face was quickly becoming. 

His free hand flutters uselessly until a handkerchief is wordlessly shoved into it. Chiaki says a distracted thanks to whoever gave it to him, and promptly applied pressure to Tenshouin’s noise.   
  
While all this is happening, Hakaze speaks up again, drawing Chiaki’s attention.

“Oh my god, Kaichou-san killed the roomba when he tripped,” Hakaze mumbled. The sentence breaks Chiaki’s concentration, and he takes a look down to where he last saw one of Mikejima-san’s many children.   
  
The poor thing is going around in circles, the whirring noise startlingly loud. The sound eventually stutters off, and the roomba’s movements slow to a halt.   
  
The door to the classroom opens.

Hasumi takes one look at all the other roombas drifting around, and the motionless roomba corpse next to Tenshouin and his bleeding nose, which is being staunched by Chiaki.   
  
Komaeduck quacks in greeting from where he’s now located safely in Hakaze’s arms.   
  
“It isn’t even our second class. How do you all manage to get into these sorts of messes?” He pauses. He notices Mikejima-san. “My apologies. I hadn’t noticed Mikejima yet.”   
  
Speaking of Mikejima-san; Chiaki watches as he wordlessly picks up the motionless roomba, and heads towards the window frame.

“Well, Mama has to make sure that this child of his can be fixed!” He pins Hasumi, then Tenshouin, with a stare; his grin gaining a sharp edge, “Play nice with the rest of my children, okaaaay? Hahahaha~” 

With that, the brunette leaves. Twenty-three other roombas shuffle around, and Tenshouin eyes them with distaste.   
  
“So what are we going to do with all these roombas that Mikejima left for us to deal with? Soo~annoying..” Sena toes one that gets too close to him, sending it drifting in the other direction.

Sena blinks as the roomba he nudged away from him stops at where Tenshouin had impacted with the floor, and begins to clean up the blood that had been spilt there. “ _What the fuck,”_ He whispered faintly, and Chiaki thinks this may be the most times he’s seen his friend swear in a day. Hakaze adjusts the duck in his arms, and looks around.

“Mmmm…we could just visit 3-B’s classroom, maybe? I don’t know if I want to try and think of a solution to this, especially when it’s not our problem~” As blasé as Hakaze’s remark is, Chiaki can’t quite find the energy in himself to disagree, and he helps Tenshouin to his feet as they all make their way out of the classroom, shutting and locking the door behind them.

Despite the walls between them, Chiaki feels the phantom sensation of roombas at his heels.  

**Author's Note:**

> i dont understand how this got to over 1000 words. im crying. its just pure crack and i really wanted to write the chaos that is 3-A
> 
> this is also. faintly inspired by a twitter role play that happened, so. that might explain the surreal quality of it.


End file.
